


A New Journey

by Fabrisse



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M, Post-Amplification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-09
Updated: 2009-08-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3324554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabrisse/pseuds/Fabrisse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Post Amplification, the ride home</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Journey

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by Silentflux
> 
> Another story found at Rounds of Kink which hadn't been cross posted.
> 
> Warning: Psychologically dark, mentions of drugs, prostitution

"I know what you're going to say," were Reid's first words as he got into Hotch's car. 

He still looked exhausted, and Hotch wondered whether the hospital should have kept him for another day or two.

Somehow Hotch wasn't surprised when Reid said, "Yes, I asked to go home. No, they didn't release me too early."

"Sorry. Didn't realize I was that easy to read."

"You're not always. But when you're worried about one of us, it shows. Every time."

Hotch got them onto 270 and finally asked, "So what was I going to say?"

"I should have waited for Morgan. I shouldn't have let myself get ahead of my partner, not that we really have partners, but, you know what I mean."

Hotch nodded to himself. "It's good to know your telepathy is erratic. That's not what I was going to say."

He saw Reid give a start of surprise. "Really." Hotch ventured a glance at his passenger and saw Reid now looked worried.

"Relax. Had that been a Kevlar and guns drawn situation, I'd be giving you that speech, and maybe a letter in your file, although, the last time you went into a situation without backup, you were our backup and you followed protocols, maybe saved a life or two."

Reid looked puzzled and Hotch refreshed his memory, "The kidnapping in Vegas. I might have given the order, and Morgan would have taken the shot. I'm not sure either of us would have dealt with the ramifications of that very well."

"No."

"Actually, I wanted to thank you. Your quick thinking kept me from losing two men in the field. There was no reason for you not to go ahead. The CDC had cleared the house and grounds. Maybe you should have waited. Maybe Morgan should have kept walking while he talked. All I know is, you didn't panic. You protected your partner, and you kept working."

Reid gave a little snort. "It wasn't really that thought out."

"Then it's all the more impressive."

"I …" He turned to look out the window embarrassed by Hotch's words. Finally, he said, "I was terrified."

"Doctor Kimura said you were aphasic in the ambulance."

"Pull over. Please."

Hotch listened to his tone and pulled onto the shoulder. He set the emergency lights. 

Reid barely made it out of the car before he vomited.

"I should get you back to the hospital," Hotch said. He passed Reid a bottle of water that he had in the cup holder.

Reid took it, rinsed his mouth, and spit. "I don't need the hospital. This is… It's psychological. I can't lose language. I just can't." He took a little more water, swallowing it this time.

"I'm sorry."

"I'll be all right in a minute," Reid said. He smiled weakly. "It's nothing you did."

Hotch would argue, but that was the last thing a recovering anthrax patient needed. Instead, he reached across and rested his hand on Reid's shoulder. He felt the muscles begin to relax and wondered how long it had been since the younger man had been touched. 

After a long moment, Reid stepped out of the car and rinsed his mouth again. He got back in and closed the door. "I'm ready. Sorry about that."

"Check the glove compartment. There should be some hard candies in there. I keep them for Jack when he gets carsick." Hotch pulled into a gap in the traffic.

Reid riffled around for a minute and came up with a small sack of mixed wrapped candies. "Cool. You have orange." He took a couple and put the rest back.

"Do you have someone to stay with you? The doctor said you should take a full week off."

"No. I thought I'd see if I could get a cheap deal to Vegas later in the week. See Mom."

"Well, then you can probably expect visitors until you head out."

Reid just closed his eyes and rested his head back. "Yeah."

"We were worried."

"I know… it's just, I recharge by being alone. Having people around takes it out of me." He sounded weary.

"Is Austin coming up?"

"We broke up -- not that we were together very long."

"I thought if she were here, I could spare you the daily visits. Sorry to hear about the break up."

Reid shook his head. "We didn't have much to talk about."

Hotch said, "I think someone should still stop by every day. Anthrax isn't something you'll come back from easily."

"Can you ask them to make it one person a day or something? My place doesn't exactly have a lot of room."

"I don't think I've ever seen your place."

"JJ has -- that one date we went on."

Hotch had been curious about that. "You didn't take her home right after the game."

"She asked to see my place since I was so close to the stadium. It surprised her. We talked, ordered a pizza."

He let it drop. "Is the GPS right? I need to cross in to Virginia to come back to DC?"

"I think we've passed the only way to get to Route Fifty, so yes, take the GW Parkway to three ninety-five. You can either get off at exit four or take the Nats Stadium exit."

"Why don't you live nearer to Quantico? I bet it would be cheaper and easier."

"No on both counts. I get a discount on my rent for being in law enforcement, and I like to read on my commute. People tend to frown on that when you're driving."

Hotch chuckled. "Is that all?"

"I was mugged when I first came out here, while I was looking for a place to live in Stafford. Two guys pushed me into an alley and started to beat me up. They didn't want my wallet. They just wanted me to know they didn't want any faggots living in their town -- their words. Someone called the police pretty quickly, so I wasn't badly hurt, but I took the hint."

"Not all of Virginia is like that."

"Hotch, they've got a law on the books that says two people of the same sex can't own property together unless they are related by blood. I decided I wasn't going to support that. I live half a mile from a VRE stop. I've never had an issue with my neighbors making assumptions about me."

"And you get to read on your commute." Hotch got into the right lane and took the exit.

"Left at the bottom of the hill. Left at the next light and then the first right. It's three blocks up on the left side."

Hotch was a little surprised to see a large apartment building. He pulled in through the security gate and found a spot in the area Reid said was visitor parking. 

"I don't suppose I can just thank you and send you home?"

"No. I don't care if you left dishes in the sink, I want to make sure you're home and have everything you need."

Reid sighed. "That's what I thought. I'll stop by the office and get you a parking pass. Wait here."

He came back a couple of minutes later with a pass for Hotch's dashboard. He picked up his satchel and walked toward the building, not really waiting for Hotch to follow.

Hotch waited patiently while Reid collected his mail and greeted fellow tenants. 

They took the elevator to the eighth floor and Reid opened the door to his apartment.

Hotch did a quick glance around, noting a large room straight ahead, two closed doors to his left, and a large, for an apartment, kitchen to his right. 

Reid went straight over to his desk on the opposite wall and began to attach his laptop to all his wires. That brought Hotch's attention to the picture window and balcony on the same wall.

"Is that the Capitol?" He realized it was a stupid question the minute he asked. 

"Yeah. If you go out on the balcony, you can see the Washington Monument. It's great on the fourth of July." Reid sounded amused. "I'm going to make myself some herbal tea. Would you care for anything?"

"I'll have whatever you're having. Bathroom?"

"Through that door."

Hotch followed where he pointed and found himself in a large closet with a door at the opposite end. Sure enough, there was a tiny bathroom through the second door. 

When he was done, he joined Spencer in the kitchen while the water was boiling.

"So, where's your bedroom?"

"You walked through it to get to the bathroom." He put a tea bag in each mug and poured the boiling water.

"Then when we've finished our tea, you can pack a bag and come to my place."

"No. Thank you, but no."

"Spencer, you've been sick, seriously ill, you need someone to look after you or at least a way to look after yourself properly." 

Reid looked at him. "What I need is to have some quiet. Hospitals are noisy and disturbing." It was like a dam broke. "What I need is time to call my sponsor and tell him that I didn't let them give me opiates, but now I'm craving again. Maybe he'll come by, maybe he'll have me meet him at the Starbucks a couple of blocks from here, but I need someone who knows me, who's been there for me through staying clean. He'll understand exactly how close I am to calling a phone number that I can't forget and offering to blow the dealer for just enough to help me out. What I don't need is someone who is here to assuage his guilt for losing team members. I wandered ahead of Morgan. I got anthrax, but it isn't your fault. Getting trapped with Prentiss in a religious compound wasn't your fault. Getting tortured by Tobias wasn't your fault. Elle and Jason weren't your fault. But right now, I don't care. I just want time to myself."

Hotch took in the stance, the clenched hands, the tears that Reid clearly didn't know were running down his face. He opened his hands at waist height and ventured a step forward.

The face Reid turned to him was frightening. "You're worried about me now. But where were you after Amanda took Adam. She won't let him go. Morgan knew I was having flashbacks, but once I got back home, it didn't matter. He didn't ask one question. No one else bothered to ask why I stayed for a week. I have a counselor and a sponsor. They help me take care of things, of myself."

"Flashbacks? Are you all right?" Hotch rested his hands on Reid's arms and felt the telltale relaxation. "I wish you'd felt comfortable enough to tell me. I won't take you out of the field as long as you're fine. And you've been fine."

"The flashbacks were what let me make the connection to potential dissociative identity." Reid sounded clinical, but he also sounded exhausted. 

"The way your mind works amazes me." Hotch's voice was quiet, and he ventured a step closer, pulling Reid into a tight hug.

He felt the sobs start against his shoulder, and Reid's arms went around him. He stood quietly stroking the back of Reid's head until the monsoon passed. As soon as Reid made a move to pull away, Hotch dropped his arms.

Reid grabbed a paper towel and blew his nose.

"Got one for me?"

Reid finally looked closely and saw the tear tracks on Hotch's face. He handed him a clean paper towel. "I thought only girls could do that. Cry pretty."

Hotch laughed; it came out more like a hiccup. It started Reid laughing too.

"Look, I would like you to stay with me. Or let me stay here with you tonight. Call your sponsor, I won't listen in. Do what you need to, but I made a mistake after Hankel. My instincts said you needed someone to talk to, and I let Jason talk me out of making the offer."

"And what do your instincts tell you now?" 

"That you need someone to be there for you." 

Reid nodded. "Still want the tea?"

"I'm probably a little dehydrated," Hotch said, dryly.

"Sugar's in the cupboard." Reid took out the teabag, and threw it in the sink before walking out to the living room.

Hotch followed suit and added some sugar after tasting his tea. Reid was standing by the window looking out.

He put his tea on a coaster before joining him. "Did I misread you?"

There was a long pause, and Hotch thought maybe Reid wouldn't answer at all. "No. I'd like you … actually, it would probably be better if I stayed with you. Not a lot of room here, but … " He just shrugged.

"Tell me." Hotch kept his voice low. "Please."

Reid turned and pressed a soft kiss to his lips before turning to look back out at the city. "I love my view."

"It's great." He licked his lips, like maybe he could taste Reid on them. 

Hotch knew the ball was in his court. Reid would come to his apartment, stay in his guest room, make the calls he had to make, and never say another word unless Hotch said or did something.

He thought about all the times he'd talked to Reid. Times when his history and friendship with Rossi would have made the older man the logical confidant, but he'd spoken to Reid instead. Reid gave him room for silences, like this one, room to think, room to act.

Hotch slipped his arm around Spencer's shoulder and turned him. "I've never kissed another man before."

Reid quirked a little smile. "Neither had I."

Hotch leaned closer and brushed his lips against Reid's. There was a moment when they both pulled back, and then Reid turned into him -- and this kiss was wet and hot and messy and, oh, so good. 

When they parted, Hotch saw Reid, his lips kiss-swollen, and his eyes black with desire. One of his hands rested on Reid's ass, urging him closer and one of Reid's hands was cradling his head, playing with his hair. He closed his eyes and leaned in to the sensations.

Reid's breath was hot on his neck as he mouthed his way back to his ear. "I've wanted you for so long."

"I think I may have wanted you for awhile now. I kept telling you things I wasn't sharing with anyone else." He tried to bring Reid closer and managed to make them lose their balance. He was relieved when they both laughed. "Come home with me. Guest room or my room is your choice, but I want you there. I was terrified of losing you."

"I'll pack. I _will_ need to call my sponsor. I'll need to discuss this." Reid looked a little panicked.

"I know. It's anonymous, right? Even if he knows you or is in the FBI, it's anonymous."

"Yes." He was still tense.

Hotch thought for a moment. "What you said earlier about a phone number you can't forget -- did you ever?" He could think of no good way to complete the sentence.

"Whore myself for drugs?" Well, that was one way to say it.

Hotch nodded.

"Yes. I… it wasn't my rock bottom. That was not doing my job. It was nearly two years ago, and my tests are clean."

"It doesn't matter. I mean, it matters that you're healthy. I'm glad. I'm sorry you went through it alone, that I let you go through it alone."

He looked at Reid's body language. The tension was back. He stepped over and began to rub his neck and shoulders. "I'm serious. It doesn't matter to me what you've done before as long as you're well now. Do you still want to come home with me?" 

Reid relaxed into his touch. "Can you stay here with me tonight? I want my place and my things, but I also want you, if you'll have me."

"Let me call and see if I can take a personal day tomorrow. Even if they say no, I'm staying here with you tonight."

Reid wrapped Hotch's arms around himself. "Thank you."


End file.
